Thursday, June 10, 2010

Why fear death?
Be scared of living.
Our hearts are small and ever thinning.

I find that 'alone time' is the most difficult thing to get right.
I've been a loner for a while now and I think I'm only just starting to be good at it.
There's a certain skill to handling yourself when you're alone... it's a completely different person to the one you are when in company.

From my long relationship which ended about a year ago now, I learned the importance of being alone. Spending time making sure you are rooted and knowing that you are appreciating the important things that wilt and die without nurture...

When you are always around others, they start to become as much a part of your thinking as your own consciousness is; I know I've found myself forgetting what I actually think about certain things sometimes.

I sound like a psychiatrist.

Anyway, today I went on a date with Jess to see Sex and the City 2 at the cinema (yes we went for a cocktail before... standard) and after the film I felt a little bit low.
The rain was pouring and it was so windy... normally the kind of weather that makes me want to only be in my bed in my Pj's away from the winter.
But as I was driving home listening to Laura Marling, I took a detour to Noirmont Point. I pulled up right at the edge of the cliff (dodgy yeah), turned Rambling Man up so loud and sat in the car and just looked.
When you are somewhere where if you get out the car you will most likely be blown off the island and drenched through your skin, you feel so small and insignificant.
I like that feeling of insignificance... like comparing an issue you may have with something so bold as nature.... is it still as big a problem as you thought/have created?

Although I wasn't really 'doing' anything in the alone time... my mind was settling itself. Not relying on itself to settle itself either... but just reacting to what is plainly and simply what it's taking in and using it for calm.


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  2. I know exactly how that feels

    I was with someone for 2 years from like Year 10-12 and it was really weird to get used to 'alone' time again and now I prefer it so much I find it hard to let anyone new take it over, I just fill my time with friends, work, (currently revision eurgh) and 'alone' time so to speak.